I have huge muscles spasms, which I’ve never had in my life, in my shoulder muscles. The outpouring of love from my friends, coworkers, and total strangers has been amazing. I also wanted to avoid questions about when I would be due, too. I posted my experience on Instagram to share my story with others. I can't wrap my mind around this, and I really hope I will get answers at some point about what happened. Burying a child is something I would never wish on my enemies. And we’re planning a burial service, just for us, to try to get some closure. We decided to have an autopsy done to try to get answers. Was there something in my body that happened where he wasn’t able to get enough blood or oxygen? It has been really stuck with me, not knowing what happened. The questions came flooding back as I looked at what appeared to be a perfectly healthy, sleeping baby. I’m a strong woman and I can handle tough situations, but something like this…you're never prepared for. It was so heartbreaking, and I have mental images of holding him that I will never forget. He looked just like my son did when he was born. It was difficult to process, because I was looking at a 7-pound, 4-ounce baby who looked perfectly normal. I held Mason and got to spend some time with him. But for me, since I carried him for nine months, I wanted to see what he looked like. I didn’t hear any other babies, thankfully.Īfter three hours, our baby boy, who we named Mason, was born.ĭoctors gave me the option of holding him. (I tested negative for the virus.) So, I had to deliver our baby alone in the maternity wing. My husband-along with my daughter and son-had recently been diagnosed with COVID-19 and he wasn't allowed to be with me in the delivery room. But this time, knowing what the outcome would be was crushing. Giving birth is usually a very exciting experience. The doctors decided that I should go to the hospital to deliver the baby.ĭriving to the hospital, knowing that I wouldn’t be leaving with a baby was surreal. Something like this doesn’t happen every week. What the hell happened? How could this have happened? I was devastated. All of these questions started to flow through my brain.
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